


self-portrait

by starrysehun



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Music Video: Let's Love (SUHO), Music Video: Shall We (CHEN), Post Break-up, artist!junmyeon, not suchen endgame?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:00:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28612461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrysehun/pseuds/starrysehun
Summary: they end that way, with one last kiss and fireworks exploding behind.
Relationships: Kim Jongdae | Chen/Kim Junmyeon | Suho
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20
Collections: Challenge #12 — EXO's Universe





	self-portrait

_ starry night,  _ the sign board for the next art corner reads and jongdae holds his breath.

in all the previous corners, jongdae hadn’t paid much attention to the paintings. he just skimmed through the paintings and people watching paintings to spot something or someone he would recognise. now that he is here, the anticipation turns into dread and he contemplates leaving the venue.

but then his eyes fall on the art piece displayed in the centre, soft yellow lights from the ceiling set to spotlight it. the painting shows a man standing on a beach, facing the shore to watch the sunset. for others, it will be just another painting. but for jongdae, it is a memory he promised he would treasure for life. the more jongdae stares at it, the more the memory in his head becomes vivid.

below the art frame, the title is engraved in a silver plate,  _ confession  _ and a date _. _ the date when he first uttered an  _ i love you  _ to the only man he ever loved.

the chattering of the audience grows distant as he stands in front of that painting for god knows how long until he becomes numb to the pain brewing inside his chest. he drags his feet with difficulty and walks to the next one then next one.

some of them, he doesn’t understand, he couldn’t recall anything about  _ what  _ made him paint that. there are portraits, scenery and skies,  _ mostly skies  _ but also places where they spent time at.

like the old bookstore where they would grab a book to read together and tuck themselves in the hidden corner of the store but it would be just him reading the book to his lover so that he would get ideas to sketch. they were nineteen, learning how to love each other.

or the alleyway behind the diner that jongdae’s mother owned where they would feed  _ goyangi  _ (they both made a fuss about the names the other came up with so they just decided to stick with  _ goyangi. _ ) as jongdae listened to him tell stories from his day. they were seventeen, clumsy with the way they show love.

or the han river where they’d have cycle races and the winner would get a free piggy back ride to the ice cream parlour and the loser would pay. they were sixteen, both just getting used to the feeling of being infatuated.

jongdae’s breath hitches in his chest when he stands in front of a painting that shows two guys standing on a flyover, watching fireworks exploding in the sky. they were twenty-five when jongdae learned that their love became something they couldn’t protect.

he moves from one piece to another, recalling the memories behind them and before he knows, he’s standing at the last display,  _ self-portrait. _

self-portrait of the artist, kim junmyeon. in pastel colours that jongdae loved so much.

a face he dreamed about waking up to, a face that he recalls whenever he hears the word love and a face he always misses. he looks so pretty that jongdae doesn’t ever want to look away.

but then he hears the voice, turns to look at the man himself standing beside him, shocked upon his presence.

“hey,” jongdae calls out softly, with a gentle smile. junmyeon only frowns without saying anything. he looks great as he is in the painting, wearing a tailored black suit with a brooch that jongdae already knows is from his mom. “sehun told me about this.”

junmyeon just stares at him, with a look that holds something between sadness and apologetic. jongdae doesn’t let his smile falter. he is there to be happy for him.

“i wanted to see how it’s going,” jongdae tells him, not looking at this time. instead he looks around to observe people who are watching the paintings, discussing artistic features and some even taking pictures. he wonders if anyone of them would ponder over the story behind each one. if they will ever know there are stories behind each one. “congratulations on your first exhibition.”

it had been his dream since he was a kid, jongdae still remembers how his eyes would light up at the thought of having his own exhibition for his arts. he wants to tell him he’s proud but he doesn’t.

after seeing all those works, jongdae is sure he doesn’t want to open wounds that time might have healed for junmyeon. or wounds that he is waiting to heal.

someone calls for junmyeon from behind and jongdae takes that as a cue to leave, ignoring junmyeon who is still staring at him, seeming lost at words. “take care,” is what he tells him before he bows down only for his eyes to catch something faintly glimmering around junmyeon’s ring finger, under the yellow lights. jongdae feels something sinking in his stomach.

he doesn’t look back when he walks away.

“what shall we do tonight?” jongdae asks him as usual when junmyeon embraces him.

junmyeon would usually say where he wants to be but when he asks if they can stay the way they for some time, jongdae realises that there is something wrong.

they stay like that until there are fireworks everywhere, as a sign that a new year is born. jongdae pulls junmyeon for a kiss. it’s a new year and jongdae wants to begin showing how much he loves junmyeon. the kiss tastes like apologies and regret.

junmyeon is the one who pulls away first and jongdae doesn’t know why he hates that face. for some reason, jongdae already hears the words even before junmyeon says it. “i am sorry, jongdae. we can’t do this anymore.”

that night is when he learns that their love has become something they can’t protect. that one of them being brave is never going to be enough.

“is this supposed to be a goodbye then?”

their story ends that way, when the fireworks are still exploding in the sky. 

**Author's Note:**

> i apologise if there had been any inaccuracies because i don't know anything about art exhibitions, i'd never been to one *sobs* i just wanted to write angsty suchen but this weak angst is what i could come up with. at least i had fun ;;


End file.
